I’ve met some pricks in my time but you are the fucking cactus.
do u ever have a thought that’s so fuckin inappropriate that u feel like dumping a bucket of water on urself like. calm down, self. tone it down. think about jesus
suits are so great… they’re intuxicating
I thought it was… suitable
pro tip: glue a tiny mirror over your drivers license photo so when you hand it to the police they will get confused and arrest themselves instead
me: what’s for dinner?
her: *spreads her legs*
so, did you not cook or ….. cause popeyes closes at 10 and i need to leave now if i’m gon make it.